October 05, 2004

Poetry: Ode To Jack Chick

- from the Internet Infidels forums

Ev'ry gay's a peadophile and they've got H I V
Teenagers will sell their souls if they play D and D.
Masons worship satan and they all are bound for hell
I'm Jack Chick, I'm a psycho and I'm paranoid as well.

Evolution is a lie and ev'ry scientist knows
Satan runs the Catholic church so please stay on your toes.
I'll keep on making tracts for all this crap I have to tell
I'm Jack Chick, I'm a psycho and I'm paranoid as well.

Rock will make you turn to drugs and death will follow too.
Ev'ry time you pray in school your teacher plans to sue.
It's lies in print and I don't care I've hundreds more to sell
I'm Jack Chick, I'm a psycho and I'm paranoid as well.

God's word's in the KJV and nowhere else it's found.
Reading from the NIV will spin your soul around.
I'll distort facts and tell you lies, the truth I'll have to quell
I'm Jack Chick, I'm a psycho and I'm paranoid as well.

Don't go buying Tarot cards, or new-age crystal crap,
Alternative religions are just Satan's wily trap;
And even acupunct'rists are the Devil's personnel.
I'm Jack Chick, I'm a psycho and I'm paranoid as well.

The Buddhists worship idols, and the Muslims and the Jews,
The Cathy-licks, non-Baptists, Sikhs, agnostics and Hindus;
The world's been damned forever, since the moment we first fell.
I'm Jack Chick, I'm a psycho and I'm paranoid as well.

If you want to get to heaven, you must do just as I say.
Stop being independent, atheistic, smart or gay.
And don't you get distracted by that bovine fecal smell;
I'm Jack Chick, I'm a psycho and I'm paranoid as well.

Don't listen to rock 'n' roll, it's Satan's evil tongue.
Parents, warn your children cause he gets 'em when they're young.
They'll become a vampire and suffer flames of hell.
I'm Jack Chick, I'm psycho and I'm paranoid as well.

The pope is really lucifer dressed up in a white frock.
He tries his best to damn your souls, he works around the clock.
He may look awful feeble but he's cursed and I can tell.
I'm Jack Chick, I'm a psycho and I'm paranoid as well.

Use my tracts to witness and they'll all fall at your feet
Give them out at high schools to give all the kids a treat
Children love cartoons: they'll think the storylines are swell
I'm Jack Chick, I'm a psycho and I'm paranoid as well.

Don't care if you're a mission'ry you're still in satans hive.
You wasted your whole life keeping those starving kids alive.
Had you just given them my tracts they'd all be doing well.
I'm Jack Chick, I'm a psycho and I'm paranoid as well.

AIDS is punishment from God, and so's Ebola too
My tracts and the Holy Bible are both completely true
Illnesses and sickness are God's punishments as well
I'm Jack Chick, I'm a psycho and I'm paranoid as well.

Keep the women in the home, don't let them cut their hair;
Dresses, skirts and such are all the clothing they can wear;
Criticize them long enough and they won't even yell;
I'm Jack Chick, I'm a psycho, and I'm paranoid as well!

Birth control and IUDs, abortion on demand;
Not for you, my little wife, because I am the man!
I'll write a tract on how all these will damn you straight to Hell;
I'm Jack Chick, I'm a psycho, and I'm paranoid as well!

Converting dirty arabs is an easy thing to do.
Just show them this here photo of an old moon god statue,
They'll instantly renounce their faith, and then our ranks will swell.
I'm Jack Chick, I'm a psycho, and I'm paranoid as well!

Jews, Catholics and homos, our morals they attack
(and just for good measure, let's throw in all the blacks)
Yeah, this stuff is pure bullshit, but the paycheques sure are swell
I'm Jack Chick, I'm a psycho and I'm paranoid as well.

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home