September 13, 2004

Unstoppable: Ivan

Well folks, as you might know (or might not know) I'm very near to the projected path of one humdinger of a storm now. The good news is that you're probably not going to even notice that I'm gone, thanks to me falling behind on posting lately. The bad news is traffic.

Traffic, you say? Yes, traffic. You see, here in the Florida Panhandle we don't have nice eight lane evacuation corridors threading through our quaint homlets and villages. We don't have multiple good paths to interstates even in a lot of cases. Sure, it's changing a little year by year and the gracious folks at the FDOT have decided to suspend tolls on the bridges that keep those touristy masses from drowning on our beautiful white sandy beaches during this hurricane but once you've fled the storm surge there basically isn't much else place to go.

Where do you go then? You flee to this long parking lot we call I-10, or if you're lucky you get to spend 8 or 10 hours driving at 5mph northward though clumps of cotton fields and shitting cows in the pouring rain until you're granted access to I-65. Where else, nowhere. That's right, unless you've got some notion of getting out and picking that cotton or shitting with the cows you're pretty much stuck with the worst of all possible best options. I can understand why some people want to stay behind, I'm 32 feet above sea level and I'm considering whether or not it would be cool to stick around and see if the roof gets ripped off just to avoid sitting in a car.

In any case dear readers, I'm probably not going to be around to cajole you for a while with my opinions. Not that I've been doing that muchu lately anyways, for which I apologize. I wish I could blame the storms, but who are we kidding? Wish me and everyone else a safe passage. Who knows, it could still all hit Texas and let Texas take a turn for once this summer.


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