April 02, 2005

Unstoppable: Long Live The Pope - The Pope Is Dead

I guess it's too late for me to scramble to rush and become Catholic so I can become Pope. That would be really smooth. Seriously, I've often thought about how cool it would be to be the leader of a cult - but this once in a lifetime opportunity to rule THE CULT on Planet Earth, how sweet would that be? I've even put a little thought into the deep and meaningful sorts of messages I'd spin out from under my funny hat.

"Look, it's ok to believe in life and stuff - but we in the Vatican have got the pardoning our sins REALLY covered. If I catch any of you jerkwads killing in the name of Christ anymore we're not just going to excommunicate you, we're going to hunt you down and cut you into little tiny pieces. And then I'm going to tell those guys to tell me they're sorry, and I'm going to square it with the Man Upstairs. Got it? No more free ride. And that falls onto all of you sort-of Christians too, that stole your ideas from us. Reformation? Hah. Don't make me laugh, you guys are in the crosshairs too. If you don't like it lets see you mow down my Youth Brigades in the name of your morality. Christ died for your sins, now it's your turn. Everyone, no crap, you better behave or I am going to come down from my Pope Mobile and beat the tar out of you. There's a new Pope in town."

I wonder if it would be sacriligeous for the Pope to demand his outfit have spurs?


Anonymous Little Ann said...

Sweetie, don't you know that this new Pope was chosen because he won't live too long. I mean sweet monkeys the guy has all ready had a stroke and a heart attack. So there is still hope for you.

8:11 AM  

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