Lately I've been listening to "My Immortal" by Evanescence a lot lately, and even some 50 cent - who I didn't think I would like but I do. Coupled with my recent watchings of Indian movies, my as-of-yet unsuccessful attempts to isolate some belly-dancing rifs into something usable in a trance song, recent discovery of Liam Lynch, and the fact that I'm one of the few people I know that can actually sit down and read an entire book soley on my monitor screen, I've come to a rather frightening conclusion. Yes, it's true. I am the messiah!
Really, the resemblances are frightening:
1. He’ll battle with Satan (the serpent)
Not only have I wrestled with personal demons, I've ACTUALLY PLAYED WITH SNAKES!
2. The messiah will be rejected by some of his own people
My cousin once entrusted to my entire family his thoughts on me being a HOMOSEXUAL, EVEN THOUGH I'VE NEVER SLEPT WITH A MAN!
3. The divine messiah will become incarnate, born of a virgin (or a young woman)
My mother was a YOUNG WOMAN!
4. He will be proceeded by a messenger (Elijah, according to Micah)
I have and USE MSN MESSENGER!
5. He will come up out of Egypt
Tuscaloosa, my home town, is often referred to as BFE....or BUM FUCK EGYPT!!!!
6. The messiah is God’s son; the messiah is divine
My father, Mike, has often told me to obey him AS I WOULD THE WORD OF GOD!
7. He will perform miracles
After slacking off my original stint into college and sequestering a 2.11 GPA, I now possess a 3.8. MIRACLE!!!
As you can see, the similarities are legion. Heck, Jesus was the son of a carpenter and I am the grandson of a carpenter! Donations to my cause will be much appreciated, as would be oaths of allegiance for my second coming and maybe some canned goods. Thanks!