More Pointless Humor

As the woman passed her daughter’s closed bedroom door, she heard a strange, buzzing noise coming from within.

Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator. Shocked, she asked, "What in the world are you doing?" The daughter replied, "Mom, I’m thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I’ll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone."

The next day, the girl’s father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door.

Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator. To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said, "Dad, I’m thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I’ll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone."

A couple days later, the wife came home from shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the family room. She entered that area and saw her husband sitting on the couch, staring at the TV. The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy. The wife asked, "What the hell are you doing?"

The husband replied, "I’m watching the ball game with my son-in-law."

Another

A Frenchman, an Englishman, and an Australian get captured by cannibals. The Chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you. We will put you in a pot and cook you, then we'll eat you, and then we'll use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die."

The Frenchman says, "I take ze sword." The chief gives him a sword, the Frenchman cries "Vive la France!" and runs himself through.

The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief hands him a gun, the Englishman points it at his head saying "God save the Queen!", and blows his brains out.

The Australian says "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but shrugs and gives him a fork. The Australian takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over -- the stomach, sides, chest, everywhere. There's blood gushing all over the place, it's horrible.

The chief is appalled and asks, "God almighty, what are you doing?" The Australian sneers and says, "So much for your canoe, you stupid jerk!"

And Another

One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a Lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into a saloon in the nearest town.

"I'm lookin' for the meanest, toughest and roughest hooker in the Yukon," he said to the bartender.

"We got her" replied the bartender. "She's upstairs in the second room on the right."

The miner handed the bartender a gold nugget to pay for the hooker and two beers. He grabbed the bottles, stomped up the stairs, kicked the door open on the second door on the right and yelled, "I'm looking for the meanest roughest and toughest hooker in the Yukon."

The woman inside the room looked at the miner and said, "You found her!"

Then she stripped naked, bent over and grabbed her ankles.

"How do you know I want that position first?" asked the miner.

"I don't," replied the hooker, "but I thought you might want to open those beers first."