July 29, 2003

Kabalarian's website promises "to establish sanity in the human race" through mathematical name analysis. Sounds cool, huh? Let's see:
Lucifer
Your name of Lucifer has given you the ability to handle people. You are pleasant and diplomatic, and seem to sense how others feel. For this reason, you could do well in public relations work. You appreciate the finer things of life, and like to have a good standard of living. You feel that it is important to convey the impression that you are financially secure, and you place importance on your mode of dress, and on appearances generally. While you could do well in certain positions of authority, you have a certain lack of initiative and a tendency to procrastinate. Difficulty in coming to important decisions and a degree of passivity do not allow you the concentration and application required to attain positions of responsibility. You prefer to choose the easiest way to accomplish your goals, and would probably readily admit that you dislike hard work. However, your likeable personality sees you through most situations but when your emotional nature does not allow you to be strictly impersonal in your relationships, you could experience awkward, embarrassing entanglements. Weaknesses in the health could affect the kidneys, or lower back.

okaaay.....
Jesus
Your name of Jesus has given you the ability to handle people. You are pleasant and diplomatic, and seem to sense how others feel. For this reason, you could do well in public relations work. You appreciate the finer things of life, and like to have a good standard of living. You feel that it is important to convey the impression that you are financially secure, and you place importance on your mode of dress, and on appearances generally. While you could do well in certain positions of authority, you have a certain lack of initiative and a tendency to procrastinate. Difficulty in coming to important decisions and a degree of passivity do not allow you the concentration and application required to attain positions of responsibility. You prefer to choose the easiest way to accomplish your goals, and would probably readily admit that you dislike hard work. However, your likeable personality sees you through most situations but when your emotional nature does not allow you to be strictly impersonal in your relationships, you could experience awkward, embarrassing entanglements. Weaknesses in the health could affect the kidneys, or lower back.

hmmmm...finally we have
God
Your name God gives you a strong sense of responsibility in business and material affairs, and the practicality and determination to make a success of anything you undertake. Your ability to organize and direct the efforts of others enables you to excel in any managerial position because you have the ability to grasp the concept of a goal complete with an understanding of the steps to be taken. This name has allowed you to develop depth and breadth of mind. You are able to retain facts, to grasp new information to your existing store of knowledge. You never seem to be out of your depth of understanding. For these reasons others who may not have the same quickness of mind classify you as a "know it all" and, although you may be highly respected, this characteristic is unlikely to endear you to your associates. You have a very responsible nature, are capable and mature, and are willing to assume a position as a pillar of the community. You are quite healthy, but possible trouble areas are found in the generative organs.

Who'd have thunk? I think it's sort of funny that they say that God should have peepee problems though, maybe that would explain why he hasn't sat down and used his omnipotence to get lucky - he's impotent in the important way. It makes some sense. My grandfather is pretty old and I can't imagine him getting any and God is like, at least twice that age and he'd have to be pretty rich to score anyways. I don't know how much money that accountant over the Vatican actually gives to God, firstly. Secondly, maybe the only chicks who really hit on God are nuns and skanks like Anna Nicole Smith. Maybe God should get some interns, that seems to work.

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