July 01, 2003

I feel like going back to bed. I woke up early (ok, earlier than I might otherwise have) so that I could call up Trina and see what was going on with her taking the baby back to Biloxi. Phoenix doesn't particularly care to go on the exactly same trip in the car for five hours all the time, so I usually try to find some way of sparing her if her mother is amenable to the whole idea. Asleep! Asleep still at almost one, it's always hard to figure out. She can be more of a tornado of activity than I ever dream of, be surrounded by people all the time, and still find time to sleep. I never remember sleeping when I was Trina, I never got enough of it, can't still imagine getting enough of it in her environment. All those things to do made me nervous. I would be a bleary-eyed monster ready to stab people 90% of the time wearing a poker face to suit other people's sanity back then. I'm tired now, but I'm afraid to go to sleep. I might miss something.

On other non-related and tangental news, I FINALLY GOT EMAIL BACK FROM SCOTT!! YAYYYYYY!!!! Scott is like the coolest artist ever and a friend from the dark ages. He's one of those guys you learn from even when you're not aware that you're learning from them. Mike and Ann told me how to get in touch with him a long time ago, but my email kept bouncing back. 'Lo and behold though, today we managed to hook back in touch. His artwork is so anal and ultra-detailed sometimes it makes my right hand ache from stipling sympathy. He's not like that at all in person though, he's a wild man freak that's not afraid to set his body parts on fire when he wants to let the world know how bad he feels. That's LEGENDARY.

I am so lucky to have such interesting people that have wandered around my life and let me be near them and learn from them. Every personality and presence has done nothing less than enriched my life, even the evil asswads that I plan on killing eventually so that they might serve me in the afterlife as punishment for their sins. I wish I could be a part of everyone's life more, be more of the sort of person to surround himself with other people. I don't know if I'm incapable of that anymore or if I just can't find suitable candidates that want to do anything with me thanks to my incipent sociopathy. Maybe it's just old age creeping in, and without the money and power of an aging rock star someone can't lure the young and the young at heart around to keep them young. I think I scare the kids at the college. I'm not their father taking college classes, nor another 'real' student, not a teacher's aide. Sometimes they ask questions to the professors and I answer them without thinking. They hang out in hallways and discuss whatever lies explain their latest weekend fantasy activities and edge away from me, possibly sensing me pulling on my waders. Some of them come to me unbidden, seeking some sort of approval and slump when they get honest critique. A few of them even smell the scent of the man I used to be, and try to call to me with promises of booze and smoke. Part of me wishes to be a part of them still, another part knows I've grown past that, and yet another simply wants to bask in them like the fragrance of a flower still in bloom.

It is possible that eventually I will become nothing but thorns.


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