October 28, 2003

Oh, and by the way


So today I turn 31. Wow. I guess that's where the lyrics came from. I hate getting older. It sucks. Phoenix and I were chatting about it last night before she fell asleep. She said that her mother had told her that she was looking forward to growing old because that meant grandkids and seeing everyone grow up and all that. That's bullshit. I don't want to trade, I want grandkids and for my pecker to still work. Screw this receding hairline crap and the encroaching waistline creep, the only thing I really want out of growing older is more years. I know I've read and seen all sorts of speculative science fiction stories about what being able to live more than one lifetime would be like, you know the whole "I've watched everyone I ever care about die" deal. So what? I can watch everyone kick the bucket and deal with it in one lifetime. I guess I'd get over it in two or three just fine also thankyouverymuch. Sure, as I grow older I have less in common with people that are younger. I have less in common with people that are the same age just the same, so where's the tradeoff? I mean, I understand where my friends with wives and corporate jobs are coming from but it's not like I have much comparison examples from my own experiences. Conversely I'm daddy enough that it is absolutely abhorent to me now the idea of living the whole get fucked up lifestyle that some of my single friends seem to thrive on. I know I bitch and moan about my life, but it suits me really. Most importantly though, the whole thing about growing old and dying seems so...wrong. If I'm going to die I don't want to waste away, I want to go out on my own terms or at least make an example of myself in a startlingly brutal accident.

I don't know, maybe I could spontaneously combust while screwing a younger woman in a crowded bar. Something that would affect people around me for years to come and influence thousands of people. You know, something completely different from the way I live right now. That's all for now. See you all later!


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