April 30, 2004

Humor: Rules For Men For Women

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an arguent. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, sex, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Slightly edited from something I found on Usenet. And yeah, even though I paint I have to translate "peach" from pink.

April 25, 2004

Humor: OIsen Twins' 18th Birthdays Related To Separation?

"The reason for my impending divorce is quite simple," said Stamos, perpetually remembered by Full House fans as the hair-obsessed "Uncle Jessie." "There are 59 days until the Olsen twins turn 18. And I’ll be damned if being married to the hottest woman on the planet is going to hold me back from tapping into some of that."

Humor: So, You're Gonna Be On Cribs

A few pointers to make your Cribs taping the best it can be!

April 22, 2004

Flash: All About Peeing

Yes, I said peeing. I suppose it's for children. It's scary though, and I want it to go away.

April 21, 2004

Java: World Population Counter

Man, that sure is an awful lot of babies.

April 19, 2004

Fun: Make Stickers

Make your own custom bumper stickers.

Here are some examples.

Humor: And Now, For Your Moment Of Zen

Tell it like it is, Bill

Humor: VillainSupply.Com

Welcome to www.VillainSupply.com, Your Online Source For Everything EVIL™. If you are a supervillain, mad scientist, warlord, dictator, or despot, then this is the place for you.

April 15, 2004

Flash: Talk Sick

The Passion of Stern

April 14, 2004

Fun: Barcode off of my LJ Username

LJ Barcode
LJ username:

Weird: Bad Japanese Inventions

Chindogu - Japanese people are weird. I mean, it's like almost the definition of my weird tag.

April 13, 2004

Flash: VibeRider

Vibe-Rider produces a pulsating sensation through the passenger seat, which YOU control.

Humor: DriversLicenseSearch.Com

"Welcome to the National Driver's License Records Bureau web site - where you can search our online database of over 220 million U.S. driver's license photos and driver's license information currently on file, absolutely FREE. "

Be sure to look up your friends and victims!

Humor: Six Reasons To Love Africa

I'm pretty sure these aren't all in Africa, but that's mostly because I think a lot of them could happen in Washington D.C.

Humor: Gary's Cock.Com

Cock Pics
Cock Movies
Cock Fights
Cock Story
Cock Tease
Other Cocks

Boy Gary! That sure is a whole lotta cock you got there!

Weird: Gimps Gone Wild

The HOTTEST chicks on wheelz.

Humor: Europe and Italy

I suppose this is funnier if you're Italian, but optimistically I'll assume without any evidence whatsoever that some Italians might wander in here and find my famously amusing for posting it.

April 10, 2004

Weird: Why Eat Peeps At Easter?

"Candy historians speculate that the Peeps' link to Easter has more to do with the pagan origins of the holiday than its Christian roots. Eggs, and consequently chicks, are a long-standing symbol of fertility and rebirth, an appropriate image for a holiday that celebrates the coming of spring. Originally part of a pagan fertility ritual symbolizing new life, the egg became incorporated into Easter as pagan rites were absorbed into Christianity with the Christianization of Central Europe. "

Flash: Happy Tree Friends

Click. Link. Share. Watch.

Art: Guilloche/Engine Turning Samples

I don't know what it is about these watches that makes my mind hum.

Flash: Made Exclusively With SNDREC32.EXE

I think this could probably rock more, but some geek made it so what do you expect?

April 09, 2004

Flash: Rappin' Easter B

Hip Hoppity And Don't Stop

April 08, 2004

Flash: Shake That Ass, Bitch!

Fun from Gorkhouse.

Weird: Yoga

A Religion For Sex Addicts

"Just last week, a young member of our church approached me with a question," Pastor Deacon Fred told the congregation during morning services. "He asked me, 'Should Christians practice Yoga?' I paused for just a moment before slapping him so hard across the face with the back of my hand that one of his teeth flew out into the hallway.

April 06, 2004

Flash: True Hollywood Stories

Alvin and the Chipmunks: Where Are They Now?

Art: Sketchy Book

Artwork, I'll let it speak for itself.

Humor: Courtney Love's Vagina Considers Retirement

Courtney Love just can't win. In addition to a recent arrest for out-of-control behavior at a club performance, as well as publicity surrounding her drug trial, the troubled singer is now dealing with an angry and resentful vagina, who says it is ready to walk away from the media spotlight forever.

Art: Public Domain Portraits

The images in this collection are in the public domain. You do not need to ask for permission to use these images.

Humor: How to Spot an Easy Girl

Getting laid can be tough. Well, its not that tough, if you have money, power, fame, or you are a dickhead. Another advantage you can use is the ability to spot an easy girl. Maybe your problem is that you're shooting for the wrong one, and thats why you are still coming home empty handed. Here's a little guide.

Flash: The Passion of the Christ

A Latinesque Flash Fantasy.

April 03, 2004

Unstoppable: Stalkers Are Not Cool

One new message, my phone message box reported. One new message, from the Stalker. Yep, she's officially been bumped straight up to a capitalized Stalker. I bet she's proud. Luckily I wasn't here to take the message, and least she hasn't done any nonsense like filled the thing up. On the other hand, if she'd left a hundred messages I imagine it would be easier to get the police to slap a restraining order on her. What sort of disturbed individual keeps after someone after months of no talking, with no relationship in place whatsoever, seeking some sort of pathetic justification for their misplaced craziness by asking their object of fixation to tell them to go away constantly? Thank god she hasn't got my email addresses that I actually use, though I imagine it's possible she's piled it onto some of my older addresses and the ones that use my real name. People, let's just say it again. If you haven't met someone, and by haven't met I mean never seen them face to face, you don't have any legitimate excuse to fixate on someone. People are anonymous on the internet, most of us prefer things that way. While it may be amusing to Google up a websearch on someone and do a little sleuthing to find out someone's real name, that knowledge isn't an invitation to call someone up on the telephone. At the end of her most recent spewing in snail mail she said something about "hoping that I didn't forget about her". Fuck. I wish. She's like a herpes sore.

April 01, 2004

Tests: Absolutely More Similar Minds

Personality Disorder Test Results
Paranoid |||||||||||||||| 66%
Schizoid |||||||||||||||||||| 82%
Schizotypal |||||||||||||||| 62%
Antisocial |||||||||||||||||| 78%
Borderline |||||||||||| 42%
Histrionic |||| 18%
Narcissistic |||| 18%
Avoidant |||||||||||||||| 66%
Dependent |||||||||||| 46%
Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||||| 50%
Take Free Personality Disorder Test

Flash: Making Friends

I think I might have linked to this site before, but anything cool bears repeating.

Humor: Interview With God

Surprisingly enough, God does not have a Press Secretary to lie for Him.

Art: My Pet Skeleton

Sooooo beautiful....

Flash: Peanuts

Addictive and fun, just like yours truly.



More From Similar Minds

INTP - "Architect". Greatest precision in thought and language. Can readily discern contradictions and inconsistencies. The world exists primarily to be understood. 3.3% of total population.
Take Free Myers-Briggs Personality Test

Similar Minds

Conscious self
Overall self
Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

Enneagram Test Results
Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||| 50%
Type 2 Helpfulness |||||||||||||||| 64%
Type 3 Image Focus |||||| 30%
Type 4 Hypersensitivity |||||||||||| 45%
Type 5 Detachment |||||||||||||||| 63%
Type 6 Anxiety |||||||||||||||||||| 82%
Type 7 Adventurousness |||||||||||| 49%
Type 8 Aggressiveness |||||||||||||| 57%
Type 9 Calmness |||||||||||||| 58%
Your Conscious-Surface type is 6w5
Your Unconscious-Overall type is 7w6
Take Free Enneagram Personality Test


The Test

My Results:

1. Unitarian Universalism (100%)
2. Secular Humanism (89%)
3. Theravada Buddhism (88%)
4. Liberal Quakers (83%)
5. Non-theist (80%)
6. Taoism (73%)
7. Mainline - Liberal Christian Protestants (72%)
8. Neo-Pagan (72%)
9. Mahayana Buddhism (69%)
10. Sikhism (61%)
11. New Age (52%)
12. Reform Judaism (51%)
13. Hinduism (43%)
14. Jainism (43%)
15. Orthodox Quaker (36%)
16. New Thought (32%)
17. Mainline - Conservative Christian Protestant (29%)
18. Bahá'í Faith (23%)
19. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (23%)
20. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (23%)
21. Scientology (23%)
22. Seventh Day Adventist (23%)
23. Eastern Orthodox (13%)
24. Islam (13%)
25. Orthodox Judaism (13%)
26. Roman Catholic (13%)
27. Jehovah's Witness (0%)

More From Move On.Org

Caught On Video

How News Travels On The Internet

A Visual Analysis of Website Interaction

Powerpuff Portrait Studio

Not exactly relentlessly amusing, but it would have been cool to have when Phoenix was younger.

Nude portrait of Python unveiled

A nude painting of Monty Python star Terry Jones is one of several works to be unveiled in the Royal Society of Portrait Painters annual exhibition.


I predict another entry into the Museum of Bad Art one day.

Yeti Sports

Three Flash Games Inside

The Coalition to Promote the Use of Child Soldiers

Our primary objectives are to educate the citizens and governments of the world that the use of child soldiers can be a benefit to societies everywhere, by helping children to help their communities - and giving them food, education, practical skills, an income, and maturity at the same time.


Weapon of Choice by Fatboy Slim

Reinvented as Stick Flash Animation.

The 213 Things Skippy is No Longer Allowed to Do in the U.S. Army

"Once upon a time, there was a SPC Schwarz stationed with the Army in the Balkans. SPC Schwarz was either very clever or very bored; but probably both, since he managed to attempt or be warned about 213 things he wasn't allowed to do."


The English-to-12-Year-Old-AOLer Translator

This translator will take what you write in it and turn it into the manner a 12-year-old AOLer would write it. OMFG!!!!!

Independent Woman - Played By Kittens

Charley I didn't know you could get down like that. Question.

If that's not enough, here are some pussies singing Tanz Mit Laibach by Laibach. Fear The Kittens.

I bought the wrong bananas.

And finally Kittens sing White Stripes - Fell In Love With A Girl.

The world's flags given letter grades

"Some time ago, browsing through my friend's atlas, I realised that there are significant differences in quality between the flags of different countries. Some are good, some are bad. Some countries have clearly taken care in the choice of colours, layout, and design. Others have been lazy, stolen the flags of their neighbours, or just designed flags that are clearly supposed to cause pain to those who look at them. "


Coincidence Theory

More than half of Americans believe in ''anomalous phenomena'' like clairvoyance, unexplained coincidence, prayer healing and psychokinesis. Yet mainstream science remains unconvinced. After all, these anomalies appear to fly in the face of everything we know about how mind and matter interact. But that may be about to change. This year, Elizabeth Lloyd Mayer, a professor of psychology at the University of California, Berkeley, introduced a conceptual model to explain seemingly inexplicable events scientifically.


Whatever floats your behind, I always say.

Mel Gibson To Produce Jesus Chainsaw Massacre: Revenge of The Christ

Capitalizing on the surprise success of his epic and markedly gory depiction of the last hours of Jesus Christ, actor turned Hollywood evangelist Mel Gibson is beginning the filming of a sequel to his wildly successful "The Passion of The Christ."


Top 100 April Fool's Day Hoaxes of All Time

#1: The Swiss Spaghetti Harvest
In 1957 the respected BBC news show Panorama announced that thanks to a very mild winter and the virtual elimination of the dreaded spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. It accompanied this announcement with footage of Swiss peasants pulling strands of spaghetti down from trees. Huge numbers of viewers were taken in, and many called up wanting to know how they could grow their own spaghetti trees.