July 31, 2003

Stop it God Petition

Everyone needs to sign this, because everyone knows that petitions are an excellent way to get people to change things. After all, people in power can't ignore the people when they speak out can they?

Gun Warnings

Gun Warnings would probably get a visit from Homeland Security in the good ole' USA nowadays. Personally I think the idea of instructions for any sort of firearms is pretty stupid, if a person can't figure out the important things about firearm safety on their own then they probably deserve everything that's coming to 'em.

July 29, 2003

People In Love Are Stupid

"I almost lost the woman I love because of a stupid decision I made. Maybe I did deserve to die, but they were kind enough to let me live because they knew how much I needed her in life and death. She's my everything. She's the air I breathe, the songs I sing, the sweet words I hear, and she's everything beautiful around me. I couldn't ask for a more perfect person to accept me as the imperfect person I am. And I'm forever grateful to her. "

Man, that's just pathetic. I mean, I'm pathetic too but in a drunk crazy uncle sort of way. "Maybe I did deserve to die"? Dude, unless that cat is plated in gold and she's carrying a six figure inheritance you're walking dangerously close to deserving to have your package chopped off and repossessed by the Guy Police for acting like a fucking woman. If you have to be grateful for getting some, then you've handed her the balls and let her run with them too much. Didn't your dad ever teach you that only girls wear panties son?

I know, I sound like almost a caricature of myself...but damn! There's a lot to be said for equality, but he's taking it too far. When women want to wear pants, you let them wear pants. You do not, under any circumstances, put on the figurative dress. That's begging for the next biker to come along as horse cock your woman away from you. If all your woman wants is someone to adore her and chase after her, why doesn't she get a dog?

Kabalarian's website promises "to establish sanity in the human race" through mathematical name analysis. Sounds cool, huh? Let's see:
Your name of Lucifer has given you the ability to handle people. You are pleasant and diplomatic, and seem to sense how others feel. For this reason, you could do well in public relations work. You appreciate the finer things of life, and like to have a good standard of living. You feel that it is important to convey the impression that you are financially secure, and you place importance on your mode of dress, and on appearances generally. While you could do well in certain positions of authority, you have a certain lack of initiative and a tendency to procrastinate. Difficulty in coming to important decisions and a degree of passivity do not allow you the concentration and application required to attain positions of responsibility. You prefer to choose the easiest way to accomplish your goals, and would probably readily admit that you dislike hard work. However, your likeable personality sees you through most situations but when your emotional nature does not allow you to be strictly impersonal in your relationships, you could experience awkward, embarrassing entanglements. Weaknesses in the health could affect the kidneys, or lower back.

Your name of Jesus has given you the ability to handle people. You are pleasant and diplomatic, and seem to sense how others feel. For this reason, you could do well in public relations work. You appreciate the finer things of life, and like to have a good standard of living. You feel that it is important to convey the impression that you are financially secure, and you place importance on your mode of dress, and on appearances generally. While you could do well in certain positions of authority, you have a certain lack of initiative and a tendency to procrastinate. Difficulty in coming to important decisions and a degree of passivity do not allow you the concentration and application required to attain positions of responsibility. You prefer to choose the easiest way to accomplish your goals, and would probably readily admit that you dislike hard work. However, your likeable personality sees you through most situations but when your emotional nature does not allow you to be strictly impersonal in your relationships, you could experience awkward, embarrassing entanglements. Weaknesses in the health could affect the kidneys, or lower back.

hmmmm...finally we have
Your name God gives you a strong sense of responsibility in business and material affairs, and the practicality and determination to make a success of anything you undertake. Your ability to organize and direct the efforts of others enables you to excel in any managerial position because you have the ability to grasp the concept of a goal complete with an understanding of the steps to be taken. This name has allowed you to develop depth and breadth of mind. You are able to retain facts, to grasp new information to your existing store of knowledge. You never seem to be out of your depth of understanding. For these reasons others who may not have the same quickness of mind classify you as a "know it all" and, although you may be highly respected, this characteristic is unlikely to endear you to your associates. You have a very responsible nature, are capable and mature, and are willing to assume a position as a pillar of the community. You are quite healthy, but possible trouble areas are found in the generative organs.

Who'd have thunk? I think it's sort of funny that they say that God should have peepee problems though, maybe that would explain why he hasn't sat down and used his omnipotence to get lucky - he's impotent in the important way. It makes some sense. My grandfather is pretty old and I can't imagine him getting any and God is like, at least twice that age and he'd have to be pretty rich to score anyways. I don't know how much money that accountant over the Vatican actually gives to God, firstly. Secondly, maybe the only chicks who really hit on God are nuns and skanks like Anna Nicole Smith. Maybe God should get some interns, that seems to work.

"If you're going to write for a mass market, make sure your message is clear, concise, and unambiguous. Then only 60% of the readers will misunderstand or misquote you."

I found this somewhere online and decided that this was the only part worth seeing. I guess it wasn't clear and concise enough. Welcome to my 60%.

Seriously, this site has me in tears giggling still. I mean, I know objectively that it's probably more due to the fact that it's entirely too late and I've drink too much iced tea but forget that. Go there and report unto me what a god I am for revealing unto you the site that I delivereth. After you're done there, why don't you head over to Seanbaby.com and have a laugh there too or go to somethingawful and pop your eyes out of your skull.

There is something incredibly wrong with this kid. Really. This is more disturbing than the weird girl with her blog of nothing but tests or the people exchanging gaggingly drippy sentiments via blog in the now defunct I love you Michelle (they probably got self conscious when the realized I could see his hand in her skirt). It's not as disturbing as the man who ate his own penis though, so I guess that's a good sign. Do they even bother teaching English at all in school? Even Prince lyrics aren't as arcane as this, though to be fair it's possible that that it's not an English speaking blog. I wonder why kids bother trying to write in English if they're going to bollox it up so badly though. You won't find me rattling off, "adias moschach ass" or any nonsense geared towards mangling Spanish anytime soon.

Everything wrong about the musicians of today

July 27, 2003

Tonight's update is a "I feel guilty for not writing" one. I don't know exactly why I should feel guilty. I never promised that I was going to be prompt, but still I feel like I've been coasting here. I did a bit of semi-significant writing at Etherea the other night, but it wasn't very coherent. I sat down on Thursday night and drew a map by hand from blues to inks in a couple hours for the first time in a long while. I've gotten so used to using my Wacom pen that it felt strange, that didn't feel very good.

I've been watching a lot of Smallville that suddenly found it's way into my reach mysteriously. It's a pretty good show, but really hard to watch when the local WB station insists on not showing any shows from the network 90% of the time. Hopefully it will eventually begin to be syndicated so I have a better opportunity to watch it without resorting to begging people to let me watch it at their houses or hoping that they fall onto my harddrive.

I organized my bookmarks for the first time in a year or so in a serious way too, and double-checked the links. It took way longer than I expected, since I've inherited bookmarks and links for years from one program and computer to the other. I'm even one of those anal-retentive guys who used to write down links because they crashed the whole computer from time to time and lost everything. About the only thing I don't seem to be able to recall are the screennames I used to use in Hawaii so that I could promote myself and maybe get back in touch with my friend Tonya and her sister Myla again. I think I found Tonya working for some law offices in Sydney, but I'm unsure and there definitely is no email address to query. I think she got married as well, but I'm not sure if it was to the boyfriend Ben that she doted on or if maybe she'd found some new rope to swing on afterwards. There's also the possibility that I did something awful to her before I suddenly never heard from her again, there are so many people that seemed to be intensely close to me and then vanished without my clearly understanding or remembering what happened that it's always a worry.

It doesn't help that when I can remember incidents and reasons, they're none too happy or reasonable. I'm not friends with Charlie because I don't find it charming to have to work to be friends with someone who seems to have no larger ambition than drinking his life away. I stopped talking to my friend Kat because it was an awful mistake to have sex with her because she immediately seemed to transfer her larger concerns about men in general upon me instead of just treating it for what it was. My best friend from high school stole tons of my things and high-tailed it to Tallahassee because I had 'stole' the girl that he was never dating in the first place nor even called his manly dibs on. Other people just disappeared for all I can recall, it worries me.

When I was drinking I wasn't an 'all the time' drunk really. I drank an awful lot, but I wasn't one of those people who drank every day of the week. I just drank a lot because I was in a coma of sorts for years, dumbfounded by the screwy turns my life had done. I've heard about people having blackouts and memory loss from drinking, but I'm fairly certain sometimes that I've a memory on the tip of my tongue and that there wasn't any drinking involved at all in fact. That's scary, that's like an episode or I've got a mental block. I realize that I'm a fairly powerful repressive influence on myself, but that powerful? Sometimes I try to convince myself that it isn't my fault, that maybe someone else just disappeared suddenly from the radar. But all of those people, over and over? It's hard to believe. Sometimes I even let my mind wander into the fiction that maybe I've done something to all of them and forgot about it. That nagging feeling in the back of my skull, the ghosts of my victims coming back to haunt me? What do you think? Think I might look good in a muzzle while being interrogated by Jodie Foster? Regret, it's what's for dinner.

July 26, 2003

Check out this article at Somethingawful.com. Greed is bad, mmmkay?

July 25, 2003

"Those who suppress freedom always do so in the name of law and order." John Lindsay

"Corporations have been enthroned .... An era of corruption in high places will follow and the money power will endeavor to prolong its reign by working on the prejudices of the people... until wealth is aggregated in a few hands ... and the Republic is destroyed." -- Abraham Lincoln, 1861-1865

"At the heart of first amendment is the recognition of the fundamental importance of free flow of the ideas. Freedom to speak one's mind is not only an aspect of individuals liberty but essential to the quest for truth and vitality of society as a whole. In the world of public debate about public affairs many things are done with motives that are less than admirable and nonetheless are protected by first amendment." Supreme Court in Larry Flynt vs. Jerry Falwell

"There may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fail to protest." Elie Wiesel

As you may notice, I've added a link to the Electronic Frontier Foundation on the right.

July 22, 2003

I take more tests

At the insistence of Becky, probably because she was hoping that I would score higher on this test than her scandalously evil ass, I took a new test today. Here are the results:

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Eigth Level of Hell - the Malebolge!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)Very High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)Very High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Extreme
Level 7 (Violent)Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)Extreme
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)Very High

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

As you can see, I'm a very evil person. Not only am I going to Hell if there is one, but I'm going to an especially despicable level of it. Actually, considering how well I score on every single level except the ones nearest Purgatory I'd almost ask that if I'm going to be sent to Hell I probably should be sent to the next higher level just to be a good sport about things. Plus I'll probably know more people there and if there is a potential for good food and getting any in Hell I'm betting that it's only attainable by sucking up to Satan. It's possible that Satan lives in the suburbs of Hell, but I'm betting that he's more of a Heart of Darkness sort of guy.

Don't ask me how I actually found the link to here, but I found it oddly compelling. Apparently the webpage is set up for round-eye freaks like me who find themselves living in Korea, presumably not courtesy of Uncle Sam. Despite having very little inclination to live, work, or even visit Korea I found myself amused for a whole half hour as I navigated the ruthlessly inefficient site and it's strange presentation. It's nice to know that my money is worth more in Korea, but I'm unsure if it's worth the indignity of crapping in a hole in the floor. I think the main reason to go to Korea for myself would be to get some good kimchi, which doesn't sound like a good reason really. I haven't had any good kimchi since I was in high school and could sponge my dirty cabbage habit off of my friend's girlfriends. We used to eat that stuff like popcorn while our eyes glossed over watching each other play Tetris and drinking sweet tea. Ugh...Why didn't I spend my time drinking, smoking pot, and having unprotected sex like all the other teenagers?

July 21, 2003

Ok, today I went to take Phoenix to lunch only to find her eating when I got there. That was a little annoying since I asked her mother to not let her eat anything specifically until I got there but I'll get over it. Later on we played Connect Four for a while and basically hung out, my eyes are still itchy from their cat. Anyways, in short order it was a pretty boring day.

I asked for Trina's opinion on the new layout while I was there too. It's always kind of weird when someone's looking at the blog that I know or that's in there, I've made a pretty conscious decision not to risk editing myself at all while I'm writing in here. If I tell you here that last night I blew a goat then dammit, that's what happened. I'm not really sure what anyone else thinks about it though, especially anyone who gets any specific mention in here. For a guy that basically lives like a hermit I really do form opinions on people though and I don't feel the least bit ashamed in giving my opinions and thoughts on the people around me. Who knows? There's always the chance that someone will actually appreciate the level of open communication that I've got going on here compared to what people get from me in normal circumstances. I guess what I'm trying to get at is that I hope that people take my blog the right way. I know that sometimes I might say unkind things about people who I might not know very well, talk from my ass about things I don't know anything about, say mean things or rude things, and basically make a different sort of ass of myself than I normally do here. That's ok, that's what I was intending. But if it bothers anyone who's mentioned here about anything I say, just tell me and maybe I'll start calling you Marzipan or Elroy. I'm not going to stop talking about anyone though, because editing my thoughts here would be like turn the tap closed on my soul. I don't think it would make anyone as happy as they think it would and it would certainly be frustrating for me.

July 20, 2003

After Action Briefing: The Cookout

Well, it didn't do so badly. The food was good and the only slight hiccup came I think when I had to leave for a bit and my grandmother decided that Phoenix was being a little anti-social and went and claimed her. When I got back from the store with sodas and mustard she had her cornered on the couch explaining to her how much she loved her. I know she means well, but it was obvious that Phoenix was a bit distressed over it. My grandmother kept rambling on about buying Phoenix teacups when she was little and I was trying to deflect the conversation the whole time. Phoenix doesn't seem to be able or want to be able to remember much from the whole Biloxi-New Orleans-Antioch-Mike era, and I don't blame her even if she was a little young too. In any case she shouldn't be forced into trying to remember a time in her life that wasn't much fun, no matter how well intended it was meant. Thankfully my grandmother allowed herself to be sidetracked and blew off any resentment she had towards me. I really wish I knew how I did things like that.

I'm not sure if there is anyone who's stayed mad at me while I've had any time to be around them and they haven't just sulked away from me. Even Trina, who by all rights has had the king of reasons to stay pissed off at me, never seemed to be able to do it. Conversely, some people never allow themselves to ever feel comfortable around me and they stay irritated about it all the time like I'm a buzzing sound. It's a certain type of person that I haven't isolated the type yet, but there seems to be something about animal lovers/vegetarians that allows me to get under their skin. Maybe it's the whole "I'm not going to pander to your party line" thing I sometimes feel like I'm giving off. Vegetarians and animal lovers always seem to expect people to bow to them for superior choices or something sometimes, sort of like born again Christians. "You don't eat meat? That's great! I wish I could give up meat, but I've sinned too much and too badly. Tofu would never accept me back into the fold "

It's not even as if I care what people eat or if they love animals (ed. as long as they don't love their animals). I just don't like some of the attitude I guess. It's the same thing with homosexuals, if you get off on kissing guys that's fine - more desperate women for me. I just don't think that it's somehow needful to come out, suddenly change your heterosexual wardrobe for hotpants and dragwear, adopt a lisp, and get militant because your boss doesn't want you wearing lipstick while changing the customer's oil. What is with that? Excuse me, but if gays like dick and not chicks shouldn't they be a little put off by guys wearing dresses? Butch lesbian angle regardless, I've never been really inclined to rush out and lust over a woman because they've bought all their clothes in the men's section of the Truck Stop. It's things like that that make me a little bit convinced that it's just a different brain chemistry going on. 90% of the people you meet are wired so similarly that you could write the ticker feed text from their brains generically and just output it as needed from a common source. Maybe there is a god, and after those seven days of work he's basically abandoned most of us and spends his time recklessly playing with 10% like my brother used to electrical tape firecrackers to GI Joes. In the absence of reason, one must think insanities I guess.

July 19, 2003

More scary blogs: Over at Stardust's Blog she seems to have decided on doing nothing but quizzes all the time. I'm not saying that quizzes are lame, I obviously wander into stupid quizzes myself and post the results. That's because often the only way I can figure out a reason to rationally add a graphic to this blog is to dish out a quiz result, or worse I have nothing important to say at that moment.*

I'm going to modify some more of the styles here soon, to take advantage of some neater things I'm learning about style sheets. I'm beginning to think that if I ever get around to going back for those web design courses at the college I'm going to be horribly bored. Sometimes it's a real pain in the ass that classes have prerequisites, I could have cheerfully skipped about 80% of the beginning level courses I've taken over the years and gotten on famously with the good stuff in the upper levels.

I'm trying to sandwich in some blog time before the pooey hits the fan later on this evening when my grandparents come over. Hopefully Phoenix will be happy enough to hide out in my room and let me run interference or something, or maybe I'm just worried about nothing. It's burgers tonight, which some genius decided were mandantory for my grandparent's vacation but cooking in this horrible weather on the grill should be pretty interesting. Earlier today the power went out while I was funking with my template, only my good habits of 'save and save often' kept it from being a complete disaster.

While you're here, check out this story about a boy who has flies crawling out of his genitals, this guy who ate his own penis, and visit natalieportman.com to share in my painful private lust over the unattainable. Seriously though, fan sites are creepier to me sometime than the concept of eating your own penis. At least eating your penis is honestly crazy, while chasing another person around snapping pictures of them eating icecream is probably worse than coming here to read what I've wrote here each day. At least if I send a picture to Unstoppable Force of me eating ice cream you can be damned sure that no one was hiding in a bush masturbating while they took it.**

*I can only imagine the astonished disbelief from the people who actually know me. ME?!? At a loss for WORDS?!?! I know, but every so often I feel the need to take a breath and get lost.

** If anyone really wants to hide in the bushes and masturbate over taking pictures of me eating ice cream, that's fine too. Even if it's a guy, as long you keep it to yourself you sicko.

July 18, 2003

The Geek Test, my results? 44.18146% - Major Geek
I chalk it up to marching band and roleplaying games. I'm not a geek, um...really....I'm not.

Two hours after I said I was going to sleep, finally worked out much more of the kinks in the new layout. I lost the tag board because it was doing weird things because I couldn't size it properly. The top of the page works fine until I have to account for the annoying "I haven't paid" banner. My blog roll links are back to looking ugly again, but I think I can fix that easily enough.

The Personality Disorder Test for people too crazy to go see a doctor. Apparently I'm moderately crazy in just about every category, so I guess that makes me hyper-sane?

July 17, 2003

Today I found a new word that I've never seen before. Sometimes a little knowledge is an awful, icky thing. I found it reading the phonegirl's livejournal. She says she's some sort of phone sex operator, but what do I know? She seems to have a bit of the ex-stripper "see how nasty I can be?" mentality, but that might just be because she's a guy. God, did I just say that?

Even more interesting is this site, that for some reason asserts the concept that Paisley is demonic. Potty training involves demons as well, as do birthstones,candles, playing cards, and Catholics.

Would you like help from being Depressed? Abused? Afraid? Tormented? Suicidal? Sick? Alcoholic? Addict? Obese? Homosexual (gay, lesbian)? Witch? Satanist? Brotherhood? Want out of the occult or a cult? Hooked on porno? Dying? OCD? MPD? DID? Molester? Self-Abuse? Bi-polar? Etc.?
I mean, who WOULDN'T want to get helped if they're a depressed alcoholic obese addict fag studying to be a witch while watching porno movies and molesting kids while whipping themselves thanks to a brain condition! AVAST YE DEMONS! ARGH!

Over at Non Prophet they've recently posted a talking Lovecraft thingee that I haven't tried out yet, mostly because it uses Java and I'm not sure if I like Java applications unless I really want what the app does (like Freenet).

Over at PhotographyBlog they've got some neat resources for people who are into photography (like I should be but I'm not) that I just thought I would share. It's not up to the level of Photo Net, but that's a pretty hard nut to crack. Both sites are if nothing else interesting eye candy if you search for a while.

Speaking of eye-candy, some people might want to take a look at this. Apparently Hulk isn't just angry, he's repressed and horny as well. In 101 Positions you don't have anything to do with Marvel Comics, but you're likely to see something more bizarre than weird guys in tights. 101 Positions matches strange androgynous 3D models with porn, to mixed effect. Personally I like the real thing better, but I'm pretty conservative about some things.

Ideas Happen is an interesting site about "how to make your idea happen". Simple huh? I don't know how well it's going to be about going about that, but it's worth surfing at least...right? It's more interesting than the urban dictionary at least. This site needs to work on presenting itself a bit better than it's doing now, if it's an urban dictionary then it doesn't need a layout that reminds me of a knitting circle.

July 16, 2003

Click Here If You Are Not A l33t-Enabled Blog Viewer
Worried that you might bee l33t enough to prevent script kiddies? EDUCATE!

Masturbation Prevents Cancer
"The more you flush the ducts out, the less there is to hang around and damage the cells that line them," Graham Giles, of the Cancer Council Victoria in Melbourne, told New Scientist magazine on Wednesday. Thank goodness, I probably have the cleanest and healthiest prostrate in the world.

NFL Sponsored By Impotence
"We have a robust and exciting campaign.'' He said specifics of the campaign would be released in the coming weeks. Boy, I love good quotes.

Phoenix told me that her mother is now requiring that she keep a journal, like she had when she was younger. I'm not really sure about the requirement thing, but Phoenix accepts rules a lot better than I ever did. Anyways, she's already wrote three poems in it and they're actually pretty good. I'm thinking about asking her if she'd mind if I posted them here to primp like a proud papa (enough alliteration for you?). Strangely they're not falling victim to a lot of the problems with things that young writers have, I don't know how she managed that since I've not really schooled her I think in writing. She's even been writing a weird vampire story with her friend from school that is outstanding mostly from the viewpoint that she has natural dialogue even if she somehow manages to think that gaslight England should have telephone references in it. Oh well, she's eleven. Hopefully she'll eventually take enough of an interest in history to at least know when she doesn't know things like that. I was pampered, my dad had thousands of books on surrounding me at all times and read around me all the time. I think the only time she really sees anyone reading is at school or when she's over here and on my computer pushing me into single-tasking a novel or something.

It's Shannon's Birthday today! Hard as it is for me to believe, she's twenty five years old already. I can hardly imagine her other than the little Jr. High school kid that was always tagging along on her big sister's dates, and now she's getting old and decrepit and gonna have a baby. Wow. I don't know what else to say about that, it was creepy enough when I realized I could legally make out with people who weren't born when Star Wars came out. Growing old is rotten. Shannon, I recommend stopping.

July 13, 2003

Real Life Review

I thought I was going to do a real update last night, but instead I went out like a light at something like 9:30. That's pretty weak from the guy who used to find sleep only once every 3 days or so, I must be getting old. I guess I was so tired that I had an actual dream instead a 'create something all night while you sleep' dream. It was really weird, with this public shower scene going on that probably should have been erotic but only made me wake up sad at 3am and have to go back to sleep. I don't know what is with me, I can't even be happy with another person in my own dreams, everything is bittersweet...always.

I've been playing Morrowind, thanks Trina...I sooo needed to waste time this way. I'm pretty sure I'm not playing it the way it was meant to be played, I'm too aware of the way the polygons interact and even without trying I lock targets into other objects where they can't fight back and such. I'm a poopy head. Fortunately I'm cooking this enormous pork roast in the over today, so I will be a well-fed poopy head here soon.

Beyond that, there isn't a whole lot to say I guess. On Friday I went to go see The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, it was pretty good but you could tell that it was adapted from a comic book. The panels were right there like they didn't scrub any of the edges off or make an effort to fill in some of the gabs. Stuart Townshend was really good though as Dorian Gray, if I swung that way I'd drool I'm sure. I even liked the weird take on Captain Nemo that they had in the movie, though the costuming was a little bit over the top. Phoenix said she liked the movie better than The Hulk, but I haven't seen The Hulk so I'll just report that it wasn't as good as Charlie's Angels 2. Of course LXG didn't have hotties in skimpy clothes kicking ass, so it was at a disadvantage from the start. I think I'll read a book today, the only problem about cooking a huge roast is that I'm afraid to leave the house with the oven on so I'm stuck.

July 12, 2003

Sorry about the lack of updates recently, I've been running around being busy. Here is something I saw while metamoderating at Slashdot, I thought it was funny enough that it deserved to be repeated:

February 05, 2003

Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstances. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a US resident:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him or her that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to follow them.

a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.

d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify?

Why can't I own Canadians?

e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sunday (the Sabbath).In the book of Exodus verse 35:2 it clearly states he should be put to death.

Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

g) Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?

i) I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16). Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14). I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted disciple and adoring fan."

You're taking the Bible as if it is one entity that either all of it is true or all of it is false. But the bible is a historical accumulation of different texts with different authors and different histories.

July 06, 2003

I decided to go see my mother. It was ok, on Friday I went out there in the morning and had breakfast with her and my stepfather at Waffle House while the airconditioner that was set for summer heat froze us into submission during the pouring rain. Later on that day I left and let my brother visit some on the principle that when they got back I would go and visit with her some more. I had dropped in for a while just to talk about our plans for Saturday and my brother called and got upset that I was there. What an ass, so basically I was left with staying with my mother all night because he was huffy that I had shown up at all. We all walked down to the water near the bridge and watched as they shot off fireworks all down the coast, we could watch them from Valparaiso to Seaside. It was like the world had been made of fireworks for 180 degrees of vision, very cool. Not as cool as sitting in the park in Miami while you watched the city just be...alive all around you, but sort of a quiet by-the-ocean cool.

The next day I went to meet the for breakfast again. The plan was, since my mother wanted to see Phoenix, that we'd have breakfast amongst ourselves and pick her up for lunch. Every time we called over there she'd be back in an hour or so, till eventually we didn't have any time left and my stepfather was unhappy because he was needing his pain meds and I was unhappy because I'd told my mother it wouldn't be a problem to Phoenix and my mother was upset because she thought she'd get to see both of her granddaughters this summer and won't. I dunno how to feel, it just doesn't do any good to get upset when you can't change things. I called the night before, I had talked about it a month ago, I called three times or more yesterday, sometimes the only thing you CAN do is try and you still don't get things done to anyone's satisfaction. There's something intrinsically wrong with that, since it doesn't happen some of the time but all of the time or even each and every time. Now my mother is mad at me, making me feel guilty without saying anything again. I want to tell her that it's not my fault, but then she'd look somewhere else to blame and I can't allow that so I just accepted her mood as my own design. Life is rotten that way.

My brother went off to see her that afternoon, but he was late - real late when they left the house. That pissed me off, and part of me hopes it pissed my mother off. I've thought about calling her up after I finish this to see if my mother has the time to do anything today, but I think we've pretty much filled up the hours with all the things that we can stand to do with each other. I hope that doesn't happen with Phoenix and me, or even Phoenix and her mother. But I fear it, because no matter how much you want something and how hard you try it all gets screwed up. Not just some of the time or occassionally, but each and every time. Excuse me, but the glass IS half empty.

On a completely unrelated note, I'm trying to decide on if I need my flashy little tag board. It's neat but people seem to be more comfortable with the comments sections more. If I get any comments over the next week or so to say aye or nay then I'll do something about it, else I might just flip a coin.

July 04, 2003

I'm slept really badly tonight. I'm not sure what to do about my mother. I got a stick-it note that she's in town. Good thing, I had been debating driving up to Tennessee overnight even though I hadn't heard from her. My mother hasn't been the best thing for me in my life, she might be the source of all of my negativity and maybe seriously the possible strange brain chemistry I possibly have. I'm afraid to check something like that out though, not to mention the cost, because who wants to be told in black and white that they're crazy and have to be put on medication to be "normal". Normal people do stupid things, the only thing remotely appealing about normal on the face of it is that fitting in might interesting once or twice. I'm not sure that you can come back from normal though, like it's a strange line that you might cross and become suddenly seized by the keepers of hypocrisy and complacency. That's not what I want. It's certainly not what I want from my mother, who spends a lot of her time in conversations with me for the past few years meandering through the same old painful conversations and memories that she used to torture me with when I was younger. She makes me feel guilty about everything, even things I don't feel the least bit responsible for. As I was laying in bed I tried to recall a single moment where my mother made me feel good about who I am or something I had done, and I couldn't come up with anything. A complete blank, but I remember watching her with my brother before puberty or thereabouts and remember maybe something once or twice that she might have done to make him feel good. It stands to reason that it might be possible that she's only good with smaller children. She was lost raising us.

My dad would go on a trip across the world and we'd stay home with mom. We'd gather ourselves together for school, come home and feed ourselves, say hi to her for a few minutes before she'd go and spend the rest of the night on the phone or drinking wine in the bathtub until she'd finally look in late at night and yell at us to go to bed. Dad was more threatening when he was around, but he at least would talk with us. Mother still doesn't do that much, she talks to us or she listens but there isn't a real conversation going on there. It's like it is all pretend. Now, don't get me wrong...I love her, but I worry that sometimes that might just be a conditioned response. That I could love anything that I spent that much time with when I was weak and small and vulnerable is somehow terrifying. There was a time when I hated my dad. Not only was he pushing me in exactly the wrong way to be something that I wasn't, he was screwing up his own life and asking for opinions only to gather himself into insecure rages when I gave him them. When he married his second time I could only blink my eyes in disbelief. I think some part of me held my breath the entire time he was married to that woman, dad thinks he needs people to take care of but he really needs people to take care of him - his choices in women are always interesting accordingly. Dad also gets off on ho's, but I can understand that urge since he somehow infected me with it. Anyways, I hated my dad but I think I hated him more for cutting off our communication than us never having any communication. With mother it's just not there and I want to be angry about it not being there with her, because she was the adult and she should have been the one to make sure that we were always really talking when I grew up not me.

Ahem, I shall now mention Britney Spears so that I might hope to fall victim to a webcrawler. I am such a whore.

Weird: Randomness Is Fun

Ali's Sister
This will scar you for life, even without going inside
Not as bad, but disturbing
Random Picture
Unknown homeboys
Taking things more seriously than me
The inevitable conclusion of public whiteboards
Marketing strategy

July 03, 2003

This site has some pretty funny stuff in it. Check it out.

Cat Burgler

July 02, 2003

RIght now I'm groovin' on Allison Krauss and Union Station on Austin City Limits. I think her voice is just about perfect, I wish I could sing. Well, I can...but I doubt I'll ever get my big break in Nashville if you get my drift. Maybe I'll see if I still have the country versions of the Nine Inch Nails songs I recorded for my friend Mary still lurking somewhere in my stacks of files, and post them for linking. Trust me, my versions make Johnny Cash's Hurt look masterful...but I did mine years ago. Hell, what else should I do? I've got the whitest white guy voice in the world, even if I dreamed of rapping or singing funk I'd miss the mark. I don't even have the "angry white guy" voice, it's more like an Erkel version of Kirk Cameron instead. So what choice do I have, I could moan bad goth songs when I sing or twang it up for country music. Since most of my family is from Alabama, I have a long history of familiarity with illiteracy and beer. The choice was clear. Still, I prefer writing and painting to singing and when I must make music I'd rather have it involve things other than my own voice.

The Spectator deserves some links, even if I'm not sure if I prefer it over The Onion. In less funny news there's this guy who I'm at least glad didn't blame everything on his Dungeon Master. Dude, get a gun and shoot people like all your friends. Another interesting place to go today might be the Tard Blog. I ran across this blog while I was looking at someone else's blog, who I assure you was less interesting. In any case Tard Blog is very...human. It's one of those places you go and find yourself repelled but if you're honest with yourself you can empathize. Overall I think that this is a good thing, when Dusty and Asa were interns at the group home for handicapped kids they related a lot of the same sentiment. I think there must be something horrible about the whole thing that leads people involved in that sort of care to treat it differently than those of us on the outside. Sort of like the blase way black people can refer to each other in language that would earn a serious ass-whipping from a rednecky looking white guy like me.

Ok, so I took a nap earlier this evening and when I woke up my DSL has been a weird monster of sputtering capability since. I can get onto Usenet but I can't check my mail, I can edit my blog apparently but I can't summon it to view. I have no clue why something that seems so simple and seamless in my life gets goofed up like this occassionally. I try to think but can't remember all of the things I used to do before I was online, I seem to recall drinking, but if that contained all of my time that I now spend wandering and writing about my experiences here on the internet then I'd probably be pickled by now.

I wish I could turn up the stereo and drag out my painting supplies, strip down and worship a canvas until dawn. That isn't possible either. I should probably go to sleep, but now that I've awoken I'm impressed with the stabbing pain of my headache. I don't see why people make a business of wondering why I don't share this with another person, who would want this? In another time I think I might be stuck in one of those gloriously creepy sanitariums full of silently huge Eastern European orderlies with caloused hands, strapped into burlap straight-jackets while doctors with mysterious germanic accents explained to me my unseen desire to bed my mother. While I'd deny it, of course, they would call nurses straight out of a high octane dominatrix flick to rub sickly aromatic petroleum jellies across my temples and send arcs of electricity through my brain until my hair began to burn and stink. While I gibbered they would wheel me down stained white tile and linoleum hallways only to strap me down safely with worn leather restraints, or else place me slack-jawed and drooling with the other inmates in front of the flickering image of the black and white television. Now, here, I make my own sanitariums of the soul. Late at night while everyone else is sleeping, and I can't read my email.

July 01, 2003

"Naturally the common people don't want war; neither in Russia, nor in England, nor in America, nor in Germany. That is understood. But after all, it is the leaders of the country who determine policy, and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship. Voice or no voice the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders.

That is easy. All you have to do is to tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country."

- Hermann Goering, Nazi leader, at the Nuremberg Trials April 18, 1946

Here is another interesting bit to play with:
Pick a band and answer only using that band's song titles.
Are you male or female?:
Describe yourself:
How do some people feel about you?:
How do you feel about yourself?:
Describe your girlfriend/boyfriend/interest:
Where would you rather be?:
Describe what you want to be:
Describe how you live:
Describe how you love:
Share a few words of wisdom:

I took the Chakra Test just now:

1 - Root chakra
The Root chakra is about being physically there and feeling at home in situations. If it is open, you feel grounded, stable and secure. You don't unnecessarily distrust people. You feel present in the here and now and connected to your physical body. You feel you have sufficient territory.

If you tend to be fearful or nervous, your Root chakra is probably under-active. You'd easily feel unwelcome.

If this chakra is over-active, you may be very materialistic and greedy. You're probably obsessed with being secure and resist change.
My results:
Root: under-active (-6%)

2 - Sacral chakra

The Sacral chakra is about feeling and sexuality. When it is open, your feelings flow freely, and are expressed without you being over-emotional. You are open to intimacy and you can be passionate and lively. You have no problems dealing with your sexuality.

If you tend to be stiff and unemotional or have a "poker face," the Sacral chakra is under-active. You're not very open to people.

If this chakra is over-active, you tend to be emotional all the time. You'll feel emotionally attached to people and you can be very sexual.
My results:
Sacral: under-active (-13%)

3 - Navel chakra
The Navel chakra is about asserting yourself in a group. When it is open, you feel in control and you have sufficient self esteem.

When the Navel chakra is under-active, you tend to be passive and indecisive. You're probably timid and don't get what you want.

If this chakra is over-active, you are domineering and probably even aggressive.
My results:
Navel: open (19%)

4 - Heart chakra
The Heart chakra is about love, kindness and affection. When it is open, you are compassionate and friendly, and you work at harmonious relationships.

When your Heart chakra is under-active, you are cold and distant.

If this chakra is over-active, you are suffocating people with your love and your love probably has quite selfish reasons.
My results:
Heart: open (56%)

5 - Throat chakra
The Throat chakra is about self-expression and talking. When it is open, you have no problems expressing yourself, and you might be doing so as an artist.

When this chakra is under-active, you tend not to speak much, and you probably are introverted and shy. Not speaking the truth may block this chakra.

If this chakra is over-active, you tend to speak too much, usually to domineer and keep people at a distance. You're a bad listener if this is the case.
My results:
Throat: open (44%)

6 - Third Eye chakra

The Third Eye chakra is about insight and visualisation. When it is open, you have a good intuition. You may tend to fantasize.

If it is under-active, you're not very good at thinking for yourself, and you may tend to rely on authorities. You may be rigid in your thinking, relying on beliefs too much. You might even get confused easily.

If this chakra is over-active, you may live in a world of fantasy too much. In excessive cases halucinations are possible.
My results:
Third Eye: over-active (100%)

7 - Crown chakra
The Crown chakra is about wisdom and being one with the world. When this chakra is open, you are unprejudiced and quite aware of the world and yourself.

If it is under-active, you're not very aware of spirituality. You're probably quite rigid in your thinking.

If this chakra is over-active, you are probably intellectualizing things too much. You may be addicted to spirituality and are probably ignoring your bodily needs.
My results:
Crown: open (50%)

Now that I've established that my third eye is wide open and I need to get laid, it's time for some messiah groupies. Come on ladies, slip an almighty some tongue.

I feel like going back to bed. I woke up early (ok, earlier than I might otherwise have) so that I could call up Trina and see what was going on with her taking the baby back to Biloxi. Phoenix doesn't particularly care to go on the exactly same trip in the car for five hours all the time, so I usually try to find some way of sparing her if her mother is amenable to the whole idea. Asleep! Asleep still at almost one, it's always hard to figure out. She can be more of a tornado of activity than I ever dream of, be surrounded by people all the time, and still find time to sleep. I never remember sleeping when I was Trina, I never got enough of it, can't still imagine getting enough of it in her environment. All those things to do made me nervous. I would be a bleary-eyed monster ready to stab people 90% of the time wearing a poker face to suit other people's sanity back then. I'm tired now, but I'm afraid to go to sleep. I might miss something.

On other non-related and tangental news, I FINALLY GOT EMAIL BACK FROM SCOTT!! YAYYYYYY!!!! Scott is like the coolest artist ever and a friend from the dark ages. He's one of those guys you learn from even when you're not aware that you're learning from them. Mike and Ann told me how to get in touch with him a long time ago, but my email kept bouncing back. 'Lo and behold though, today we managed to hook back in touch. His artwork is so anal and ultra-detailed sometimes it makes my right hand ache from stipling sympathy. He's not like that at all in person though, he's a wild man freak that's not afraid to set his body parts on fire when he wants to let the world know how bad he feels. That's LEGENDARY.

I am so lucky to have such interesting people that have wandered around my life and let me be near them and learn from them. Every personality and presence has done nothing less than enriched my life, even the evil asswads that I plan on killing eventually so that they might serve me in the afterlife as punishment for their sins. I wish I could be a part of everyone's life more, be more of the sort of person to surround himself with other people. I don't know if I'm incapable of that anymore or if I just can't find suitable candidates that want to do anything with me thanks to my incipent sociopathy. Maybe it's just old age creeping in, and without the money and power of an aging rock star someone can't lure the young and the young at heart around to keep them young. I think I scare the kids at the college. I'm not their father taking college classes, nor another 'real' student, not a teacher's aide. Sometimes they ask questions to the professors and I answer them without thinking. They hang out in hallways and discuss whatever lies explain their latest weekend fantasy activities and edge away from me, possibly sensing me pulling on my waders. Some of them come to me unbidden, seeking some sort of approval and slump when they get honest critique. A few of them even smell the scent of the man I used to be, and try to call to me with promises of booze and smoke. Part of me wishes to be a part of them still, another part knows I've grown past that, and yet another simply wants to bask in them like the fragrance of a flower still in bloom.

It is possible that eventually I will become nothing but thorns.

Here it is, 3:30 again and I'm still up feeling like it is the afternoon instead of the dead of night. What shall I grace you with this evening that will thrill and astound you with my wit and cleverness? Probably nothing.

I found this site a while ago and it traumatized me in a way. You have to dig around a bit but there are all sorts of atrocious links to the weird ways people pervert perfectly normal cartoons and television shows and turn them into crazy insane sex romps and stuff. Fan art of Gilligan humping the Professor, characters from Pokemon having sex with Pikachu, dogs and cats...together. I want to feel more philosophical about it all, but I'd be reaching. Right now all I really feel at all is that I should be writing or painting or doing something with my hands. Sometimes this helps, but other times it's formless and meaningless like masturbation. That's something else I could do, but why? I wish I had something to read or that there was some sunshine or thunderstorms out right now so that I could bask or rail. There is too much to not do late at night, but still it's home.

That's probably weird, maybe normal people don't make their homes at night but of brick and mortar. I do though, it might be the most frustrating part about having my unwanted visitors living here. I can't act out my normal nightly routine without waking some silly dog into a fit of barking, can't dance around the house singing old tunes from the 80s or pace the hallways to muddle through some creative bubble. So instead of having my creative efforts turning outwards they're putting their designs on the inside, giving birth to these strangely surreal commentaries here and on the various lists and forums I attend to. It's times like these that I wish I were more humble or less principled and could bring myself to drive over to the house of my ex-friends the vampires and flaunt my sarcasm and sharpen my innuendo on their tiny brains. I can't though, it wouldn't be right and I need to be right now that I'm growing older. Being wrong failed to suit me I think, rebellion wasn't an exercise in growth or development but the process of finding out how bad a person I could become. I've quit smoking, drinking, drugs, sex and friendship for the most part. I allow myself to dabble in each mostly in the way a person might occassionally hover their hand over a flame to be sure that it might burn them. I don't know where this process leads though, perhaps next I should try fasting. Denial isn't the hardest task for me, maybe it should be more difficult. Certainly some people have tried to convince me of that fact. Experience has shown me what a monsoon I can become if I don't use restraint though, while that sort of powerful release in a person seems to attract people in some way I don't like the way it draws me out into such a completeness of chaos and then sends me back down into the depths of mournful calm. I don't understand how people misunderstand me so, fail to recognize the prisons I weave about myself. I'm casually the tornado, but seriously the stone. Perverseness is my friend, down the path into my sense of humor - if I can lull the people around me into failing to see my contradictions then surely the world's natural state is the absurd. Is everyone full of so much stealth and soap, wondering if the rest of the world perceives what treasures and nightmares they hold hidden? People conversationally confide in me that normality is as boring as I suspected, but here on the fringe at 4am...could I show another what they seem to desire? I don't think I'm capable of being tied into the rest the world much anymore, walking easily past comrades and halls making short conversations. I can pretend to, but eventually I start feeling dangerous or else my mind escapes. I try to practice my faces when I'm at my daughter's house, not on her but on the mass of people who always seem to be there. I've worn the masks before and I doubt anyone ever suspected, slip one on and disappear my true self to re-appear as the public. It would be easier to explain if heard voices or caught conversations from aliens from my toothbrush, but surely it is insanity just the same.

Or maybe, just maybe it is just really late at night.